The Begginning of the End

You've been very patient with this rambling story. So now, I'm going to simply get to the goods.

By two years ago, neither one of us was happy in our marriage. I'm fairly certain that was known to her as well. I know she wasn't happy, and she knew damn good and well that I wasn't either. I had grown quite weary of her, and her constant emotional demands. She had grown less affectionate in all ways. She claimed, at the time, that she just wasn't a physical person, though I now know better. Who's to say which condition came first, her frigidity, or my apathy . . . either way, they fed off each other like some deranged symbiotic parasite.

It was at this point that she told me she was interested in exploring her lesbian side. I had always known (and always supported) the fact that she was bi-sexual. So when she said she wanted to search for a female lover, I certainly had no qualms. This turned out to be a terrible idea. I had the assumption that there would be some great benefit to me in terms of sexual exploration. Really, it just turned out to be all about her (or at least, that was the design). I suppose I should have known better, but this "experiment" in polyamory proved to be our undoing. Partly because I had laid down ground rules, and those rules were repeatedly broken, and partly because this experiment helped to highlight the already existent cracks in the foundation of our marriage. Frankly, I think that she wanted to start this up as a way of getting out of the marriage anyway. If she was able to muster the affection and energy for someone new, why not me?

So, three days before our 7th (I think?) anniversary I left her. I went on a road trip down highway 101 in my 1967 Ford Galaxie convertible. I took this time to contemplate my next move. Over the course the next four to six months, I would return to her, and then subsequently leave her over and over again. I believe the total was four times. I was torn. We have children, and I didn't want to lose them. As far as she stated, she had planned on moving to Canada when we split.

To be continued.