Fourth chapter, Anatomy of a Divorce

This story is getting terribly long, and terribly tedious to write (and to read, I imagine). It's difficult to play catch up on roughly 11 years of knowing someone in a style that is brief, and quick to digest.

Now here we were, living together under the umbrella of giddy anticipation over our first child. I was doing well at work, appreciated, valued, and well paid. She was enjoying the life being provided for her, and all seemed to be going well.

Then the dark clouds rolled in again. This time, I simply assumed it was pregnancy hormones. Nope. Another depression had descended. I was confused, she had what she wanted, all should be well! As it turned out, this time, the "source" of the "depression" was that she missed her family. She was terribly sad at the thought of having a child so far away from her support system.

So again, for the sake of the relationship, and out of love for her, I suggested that we move to Seattle. I should be able to easily gain employment in the IT field in the NorthWest. If it made her happy, that's all that mattered to me (my, what a juvenile, naive way to operate). So, I broke the news to my co-workers and boss. None of them were pleased. I was told of the raise that I would be facing if I were to stay. It was substantial, and I loathed to leave it behind. However, the money would be ill-enjoyed with a miserable wife at home. So, we loaded up the U-Haul once again, and headed West.

The move and the change, seemed to satiate her, and again I thought that maybe things would go as planned, finally.

At this point, I believe most men would have wised up. Not me. For one, I'm terribly stubborn. I will run, knowing the outcome, headlong into a brick wall until I fall over unconscious . . . if nothing else, than to spite the brick wall.

Once my daughter was born, things again began to tumble further down the mountain. To be fair, I was not the best new daddy . . . I would leave much of the consoling to her. However, in my defense, much of this had to do with our dynamic, which I'll get to after I lay out the historical timeframe.

Of course, sex again ceased, and now I began to withdraw completely into the world of video games. It was soothing, and cathartic. I was able to conquer the problems one faces in a RTS (Real Time Strategy) game, and overcome obstacles. All of this was a stark contrast to my marriage. It was ever frustrating, ever the source of defeat. Arguments would go nowhere, and in the end, I would concede with a barrage of apologies and self-criticism designed to make her feel better. All of this I produced, whether I believed it or not. When attempting to wade through our problems with logic and reasoning failed, I fell back on "Yes, Dear, I am so sorry I did x. You're a wonderful wife, etc etc etc". Yes, I realize such actions are those of cowardice and emasculation. I'm quite well aware of that now.

And so on and on our marriage went. Sex was a quarterly occurrence, and I continued to fill the well of resentment. In this time, we bought a house, I changed jobs, and another daughter was born.

When I return, I'll begin to layout the downfall of the marriage. The true beginning of the end. If you'll notice, I've skimmed over a great deal of material in order to get to the end of this bloody story. I can always reference historical renderings if necessary later. :)