The End

I have been trying to get the blog caught up with what's happening real time, with regards to the divorce. I have not been able to, and now the divorce is pretty much over. So now, I'm left with a lack of compulsion to continue writing about this miserable, pointless chapter, but yet have all of the "good stuff" yet to write. So, I am going to compress the story further and essentially detail the ending, including all of the sordid hearing details.

When I initially left ______, I had continued to pay all of the bills, as well as give her something like 80% of the remainder of my paycheck. At that point, I was essentially sleeping in my car, in my office, and on friends' couches. Eventually, I found a super cheap place to rent, which was rather nice. At this point, I had to essentially nag _______ to get a job. In a addition to the $2600/mth mortgage, I was also paying her $2000/mth. That's right, nearly as much as a mortgage, but not nearly as useful. Of course, she dragged her feet in finding a job, yet somehow continued finding the energy to complain about her financial situation (this is not uncommon, she does after all like to consider herself "complex").

She did eventually, get a job. Then there was the matter of selling the house. This was a huge pain in the ass because I chose to let her stay there while we were trying to sell it. Again, dragging her feet the whole way. She would complain she didn't have the time, yet she had plenty of time to take trips up to Canada (though not to see her family - can't imagine why *they're* upset).

So, all this time, I'm giving her 78% of my paycheck, you would think that she might start thinking about, oh I don't know . . . the future when that would no longer be true? As I continued to be a sucker, I decided to give her my $6000.00 bonus from work, to be used for moving expenses, first and last months rent, etc. However, knowing her penchant for blowing money on wonderfully useful things like round beds (no lie) and such, I voiced my concern. This is that conversation, unedited, with only my name to maintain anonymity. It should also be noted the "Crazy as Always" is the moniker she chose for herself:

A. Blues says:However, I understood that money was going to either moving costs (eventually), or your bachelor's degree.

Crazy as always says:so give me what you're going to give me from that and it doesn't matter what I spend

Crazy as always says:yes, well, should I never have any life? Do I get punished

Crazy as always says:do I not desserve to be a human being?

A. Blues says:Well, but it kind of does. Eventually you're going to need moving expenses, and now that we have the big chunk of money, it would be wise to use it now.

A. Blues says:It's not about that _______, it's about making wise financial decisions at a time when we're separating our household, and will eventually be strapped.

Crazy as always says:yes, well, I'm not planning on blowing it all either....but if you are going to give me money, then give it to me and I will work out how I'm going to use it for my move and my courses and also have a little bit of a life, just a little, because i'm no good as a mother if I never have fun and am just secluded and sad all the time

Crazy as always says:why would you give me this money if it was going to leave "us" strapped?

A. Blues says:OK, I just simply don't want the time to come for you to move, and then have an unexpected request from you for more money to cover your move and expenses. That's my main goal there.

Crazy as always says:don't worry, the very LAST THING IN THE WORLD I want from you is to be more dependant on you!!!!!!!

A. Blues says:I'm just voicing my concerns ________, please don't be offended.

Crazy as always says:I am offended, but that's not your concern

A. Blues says:Well it is, because I suffer your mood.

Crazy as always says:no you don't, I know how to be offended and civil, as long as you don't continue to make hurtful comments

A. Blues says:Remember, I'm simply trying to be very clear and honest about where my head is at, so as to avoid misunderstandings.

Crazy as always says:just make your comment and drop it

Crazy as always says:yes, I know where your head is at...I sincerely wonder if you know where mine is at to be making the comments you make about me...but that doesn't matter. I know myself, I know my integrity, my abilities, my strength

Crazy as always says:and I will surprise you

A. Blues says:My comment had nothing to do with that ______. Are you going to deny that the bonus money has often been frittered away, with the items it was intended for left unattended because of it?

Crazy as always says:I did pretty good without you for most of my adult life

Crazy as always says:that was when we were married and the furure was secure....my future is not secure

So, as you can see she not only saw that money as her right to fun, but apparently, as long as I had been employed while we were married, she had no reason at all to be an intelligent consumer, and plan for things like . . . oh, I don't know . . . THE FUTURE.

Sigh, though I also must take responsibility for allowing such ridiculously juvenile attitudes towards money, and even in some cases, encouraging it.

She eventually used that money to complete her amazingly useful bachelor's degree in fine arts. Wow, that's some forward thinking there. Of course, I'll not bother you with the many, many rants about how I was robbing her of her dream to get a Masters in fine arts. Robbing her? Masters in fine arts? Hell, I think at some point, I'll present her with a bill for my services as a life coach and financial planner.

After that, there was the sale of the house, which garnered 16K in net profit. Pretty slim, though with the economy and the housing market being where it was at the time, I was lucky to get out from under that albatross at all. Again being driven by my misplaced altruism, and to be fair a need to get her to accept the sale price, I offered her 100% of the profit. Sixteen thousand dollars (much more fun to type it out long hand . . . go ahead, try it). Do you know what she did with that money in roughly six months? Yeah, neither does anyone else. *Poof*. Gone. Maybe she found that in order to be a good mother, and an honest to God human being, she needed a trapezoidal sofa.

I'll tell you what she didn't do with it. She didn't buy a reliable car to replace the engineering abortion she's driving now. She also didn't use it to ensure that she has an emergency fund for when she's committed to a mental facilitiy under a 5150 for suicidal tendencies, and needs to pay her bills. I'm pretty sure she didn't use it to go see her family in Canada. She also didn't use it . . . bah, you get the picture.

There are piles of little things as well . . . from the time she took money out of my checking account (she still had access), to the fact that I had to shoulder the entire cost of mediation (and my atty's actually had to pay for her parking - a week after she took herself and the girls to dinner and a movie), to her not paying for our eldest's school lunches, to the charity she signed up for still being taken out of my account, and on and on and on.

Comes the day that the final divorce paperwork is ready to be signed. I had been paying her $1000/mth at this point, and told her that I would continue. However, calculations done by my atty based on state law suggest that an order of around $400/mth would be feasible, since I have them half the time. You see, when you're a half-time parent, you're responsible for half of the children's care. Well, I have them half the time, thus I am maintaining half of their care. So, I deliver the papers to her at her work, where I pick up our youngest (____ works at the daycare where our youngest goes). My atty had mentioned that if I got the papers back to him signed by a certain amount of time, we could avoid going to court at all, and the expense that incurs.

_______ continued to do this weird, not look at me thing, and not contact me thing. So, a couple of days later I go in there, and the conversation goes like this:

Me: "You, uh, have those papers?"
Her: "Nope"

Me: "Do you know when you will?"
Her: "I'm not going to, we're going to court" (said in a rather self-satisfied tone)

Me: "Oh . . . good luck" (said in a responding sarcastic tone)

That and me calling her an idiot on her blog somehow in the chemically muddled reasoning center of what passes as her brain, formed the basis of her seeking an anti-harassment order. When I went to pick up my youngest from day care, she had her co-worker serve me. The interesting part is that her co-worker is not a process server, so she had no idea which papers to give me, and which ones she was absolutely not supposed to give me. One such paper is the information sheet in the event you're having a deputy server the papers. It lists things such as physical description, car description, employment address, etc. Something else it lists is whether or not the recipient is likely to react violently when served, and whether or not the recipient owns a firearm (I do). Now, both of those items, if they had been given to law enforcement, would have likely made for a wildly fun evening. This was taking all of this to a new level.

If she had simply confronted me about the amount, we could have talked. Instead, she chose to play the c**t card, and treat this like some bizarre Jerry Springer divorce. Point of note, of the two of us, the only person guilty of domestic violence . . . is her. Three separate incidents: 1. shoved me into a wall, while attempting to prevent me from walking out the door, 2. attempted to hold a door shut to prevent me from leaving, and 3. While standing over me, with her fist about 6 - 8 inches from my face, stated "I'd like to punch you in the mouth/nose" (don't remember which). Any one of those would have landed me in jail.

Did I also mention that she tried to pull some slick maneuver by having me served the evening before the hearing? LOL, I will assume that was on the advice from her "Facebook Legal team". Another interesting point of note, that would have been enough alone to simply have it continued. However, since I decided having a legal team would be a good idea, it was no problem at all. I called my atty, they met with me that night at a Starbuck's near my house, where I gave him all of the material he'd need to defend it (although, he never had to use it, fortunately for her).

So, the judge threw it out, and she was miffed. You see, during the couple of hours it took for our case to be heard, my atty and I had a good time chatting, joking, and sharing various stories. Well, you can bet this insecure, fragile ego could hear the chuckles, and could just be SURE we were laughing at her (we weren't). So, she decides to ambush my atty after he comes out of the bathroom at the end of it all. She reads him the riot act, where she threatens everything from suing me for everything to hiring an atty, etc. Unfortunately for her, my atty actually practices law, and didn't just read about it from divorce material handed out at the information booth in the courthouse, or from the Internet. Turns out, earlier he had her sign the final papers in all matters except the child support. There was no arguing any of the other points. Oh, a beautiful thing. My atty did some other rather interesting things as well, but nothing I want to divulge here. Suffice it say, if you're getting divorced, GET AN ATTY.

In mediation, we settled on $800/mth in child support. As it turns out, I made out quite, quite well, and there is yet more to come. Since she decided to make this into such a nasty thing, I've decided I am only paying her $800/mth. Ironic huh?

So there it is, that petty, stupid story is done. I'll post responses to anything mildly interesting about me from her blog, in an effort to maintain some record of defense. Aside from that, this is the final Divorce chapter.